elephants in the rain

i have no good title. heh.

i don't actually know what i'm going to talk about, and fvk capitals right now. i'm rebelling. i do that from time to time. i'm actually just very tired, and i've got a long way to go before monday - and hopefully it won't take longer than monday. i'm hoping to write more soonish here, but right now - things are hectic.

finals.

i want to talk about something specific right now: HOLY FUCK! moments.

some writers call them revelations, some writers call them seeds, some writers call them "Good writing days." usually i just say that my characters had some great ideas, but really - they're HOLY FUCK! moments. it's when you're going along all honky dory, living your life like nobody's business, and out of nowhere you realize exactly how you're going to tie all of the pieces of your novel together. everything pans in your head and you just know it. you know how your characters do this, or you can finally see how that problem gets resolved. or, sometimes, you see a novel for the first time - and it's flawless and beautiful.

now, when i say i'm going to talk about HOLY FUCK! moments, i'm not talking about those moments when you're writing and you get a small idea for what comes next; i'm not even talking about those moments when you're minding your own business and all of a sudden a random idea pops into your head and you think about it for a little while and think, "Yeah, I could make that work..."

no. HOLY FUCK! moments are those moments when you get the idea, and your eyes go wide and your jaw practically drops and you can feel your adrenaline pumping as all the pieces finally fit together and all you can say is, "HOLY FUCK! Oh my god! I get it! I get it!!!"

those are beautiful moments.

i've had two of them in the past week and a half. that's right, two. you are allowed to feel jealous. but you're not allowed to begrudge me - i've had what amounts to writer's block since i was seventeen, intersperced with brief few day periods of writing ability. i'm twenty-one. that's an ungodly amount of time to have writer's block. these two HOLY FUCK! moments don't signal the end of the block time, but they are a nice oasis in this writing desert. and thank god, because i really, really need it.

the problem: i'm trying to deal with the end of two school years right now. first, it's the end of spring quarter up at the university i go to. which means, last minute assignments, last minute projects, and the dreaded finals. and then, to add to it, it's the end of the school year for the elementary school i work for. so, last minute projects, everyone's feeling crazy, and nobody wants to do any work. well, the kids don't. they're young anyway, so it's to be expected. all that is fine and to be expected, but it means that i have no writing time. at all.

i'm going to try to get everything done by sunday so on monday i can turn it in and so that, other than work on tuesday, wednesday, and thursday - i won't have to do anything else. and i'll be able to write.

WORDS!!!

oh glorious words...

soon. soon i will impliment those lovely HOLY FUCK!s i've had lately.

what are they, you might ask? plots. lovely plots. using the plot book i checked out from the library not so long ago. more on that when i have more time. for now - i've got to write a page and a half each on The Brave New World, The Disposessed, and The Handmaid's Tale. and then i have to find a piece of mine that i can read in three minutes, and a piece of mine that i can read in seven minutes. bonsoir =)